Someone said that once you cross the pond, you are never at home on either side. Someone was right. You don't. When I fill up the Jeep with gas, I long for living in a pedestrian environment with accessible public transportation. Then I remember being in England and lugging my groceries home in the rain, tripping on the cobblestones. Oh, how I would have given anything for my Jeep then. This is just one of many examples that I think about almost daily.
I have similar musings about giving up the producing position at my church. I thought that I would have a sense of relief and fulfillment. I didn't expect to feel lonely or without purpose. It's like I am standing on the edge of the pond, looking over at what used to be and wishing I was there and still not wanting to leave the shore I am on.
It's kinda like I don't fit -- no matter what I do or where I go. Peter writes that we are strangers in this world -- temporary residents whose real home resides in heaven. It makes sense. I love this world -- blue skies, friends and family, my garden, the way Linus lays his head on my lap when he's tired -- I could easily be seduced by the goodness around me. Then I turn on the news or the radio, or pick up the paper and quickly realize that I am not at home. I don't fit here and I'm not supposed to. I'm so thankful that God provided us with a purpose...something to occupy our time until we can make a final crossing, stand on the opposite shore, and not look back with longing.
Invitacion Fountain
All who are weak, all who are weary
Come to the rock, come to the fountain
All who have sailed, on the rivers of heartache
Come to the sea, come on and be set free.
All who are weak, all who are weary
Come to the rock, come to the fountain
All who have climbed, on the mountains of heartache
Reach to the stars, come on and give your life.
All who are weak, all who are weary
All who are tired, all who are thirsty
All who have failed, all who have broken
Come to the rock, come to the fountain
If you lead me Lord, I will follow
Where You lead me Lord, I will go.
Come and heal me Lord, I will follow,
Where You lead me Lord, I will go.
I will go.
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2 comments:
Ya-a-a-y!! You're back!!
I know exactly how you feel...I didn't expect those feelings so many years later, but I don't want them to go away. They remind me, as you did, that home is where the heart is... where's yours? (Matthew 6:19-21) Good question to ask self every day for perspective.
Thank You, Lord, for making Your Word real in our lives in this way.
You belong here with us, but only so much. Good to keep that in mind.
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