Frog #5 -- The Shimmer of a Prince

So I had a very nice date with Frog #5 yesterday. I had originally given him the nickname Steely J., but after meeting him, I discovered he had his own nickname -- Staples. Whys that you ask? Because he has an easy button...just like the commercials. And indeed, he is a very laid back and easy going guy.

Of course, when I met Staples, the first name that popped into my head was Fat Pat...because he reminded me of my cousin, but just in a smooshed down, wider kind of way.

Staples and I met at a bar to watch the Steelers crucify the Seahawks. We shared some pizza and beers, laughs and cheers for our team. We decided that more time needed to be spent together so movie and a dinner followed.

Staples is a blissfully normal guy. He works as a computer geek for JPMorgan/Chase. He owns his own house and property, likes to hunt -- both gun and crossbow, and he's an avid pool player. He grew up in western PA (around Slippery Rock) and has been transplanted in Ohio for almost 10 years. Staples is an excellent conversationalist...he speaks easily and encourages conversation, while never dominating it. That talent is a welcome treat from the one word grunts I've encountered thus far. More vital stats: he's 34 (soon to be 35 in January), has been previously married and has a 12-year-old daughter. He's Southern Baptist and because he owns guns, one can only assume that he's Republican.

So, after our 7 hour first date, I informed Staples that it was time for this little chick-a-dee to go home, as there was a dog with his legs crossed waiting there. Staples laughed and agreed. After I got home, I got an IM sayting that he had a great time. I wrote back that I did too...and we IM'ed for a bit. Then he declared that he couldn't type fast enough and asked if he could call. That conversation lasted over an hour. **sigh**

Thursday, Staples is taking me to the shooting range. We can also deduce that he is brave....very brave.

Some Recent Pics....

Miss Mary quite contrary....

Linus and his favorite stick

Hmmm....wonder who took this one?

The Polyester Chief

Q: At what point, do you think I start trusting my instincts and be a bit more selective?

A: Right Now.

Last night I had a date with The Polyester Chief. He told me he wasn't really into talking online, and would I mind meeting him for coffee. OK. He gave me his phone number and suggested we meet Sunday after church. However, when I called him, I got his voice mail...so I left a message. By the time we met last night, he had called 7 times, just to confirm a time and place...or to change it. Ugh.

Now, this guy told me that he was 41. My acute visual awareness told me that he was a liar. I don't think of myself as judgemental...after all, he was nice enough and bought me coffee, but let me see if I can describe him: gray and balding, gold pinky rings, silver polyester shirt unbuttoned low enough for his graying chest hair to pop out, khaki shorts, mules, baby-butt smooth legs and a walk that indicated he suffered from the gout.

The Polyester Chief was the fire chief for a small burg outside of Columbus. He taught drivers-ed on the week-ends. He liked stamp and coin collecting and antiques. He was divorced for two years and lived with his brother and his wife. The Polyester Chief immediately wanted to know if we could go hang at my house and have order a pizza.

Unfortunately, I was taking dinner to a "friend" and couldn't stay. After I ran for it, I went over to Jersey Mikes, where I know the owner. He felt sorry for me and gave me a free sub. So it wasn't a wasted night after all!

So, after a week of trying this, here are Sara's super groovy Internet dating rules:
1) If they are aggressive online, don't meet them.
2) If they can't spell or write well, don't meet them.
3) If they refuse to show you a picture, or send you a picture of something that would generally not be shown in a police line-up, don't meet them.
4) If you do agree to meet, ask them what car they are driving and to meet you in the parking lot. Don't reveal your car type, because then you can do a drive-by check to see if you want to stay.

All this is not a loss though. I have very high hopes for Frog #5 aka Steely J. We've had some great conversations and he seems....normal. We're meeting Sunday to watch the Steelers beat Seattle. I'll update you ASAP.

Leisure Suit Larry and Frog #3

Did you ever play that video game in the 80's called 'Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards?" Yeah, I didn't think so. I used to play alot. Our friends the Crawfords had it. You were the character Larry and you were navigating through the night life. You had to over come drunks, jealous boyfriends, whiney women etc. etc. But you know what? No matter how far you advanced, Leisure Suit Larry never left the lounge.

Enter Frog #3, aka Bartender Ted.

Bartender Ted was one of the first guys I met online. He approached me on IM and chatted easily. He worked construction during the day and tended bar at night. He was a little forward in his approach, but I didn't really think to much about it at the time. He invited me to the bar where he worked on Saturday night so we could meet (He works in a restaurant, so the bar wasn't always crowded). I told him I would try, but didn't make any promises.

So Saturday night rolled around, and Semi-Steve had offered to actually take me out...which I thought was a better deal than sitting at the end of a bar talking to a guy between customers. Of course we all know how that turned out. While I was out with Semi-Steve, Bartender Ted started calling. Where are you at? Are you coming? I'm getting ready to leave! Call me. Several messages were left.

After I excused myself from Semi-Steve, I called Bartender Ted back....no answer. I left a voice mail and drove home. When I got home, Bartender Ted was waiting on IM to talk. He claimed the night was still young and proposed we go out. I told him that I just wasn't in a going out mood anymore, I had an early morning and sorry, we'll have to make it another time. I asked if that was OK, he said it was and he understood. Great.

Then he started contacting me about how I missed such a great opportunity. He had all the power and I was on a hook...so he claimed. Apparently he believed that I couldn't wait to go out on a date with him, and that he was just going to keep me waiting out of spite. HA! Every time I logged on to IM, he popped up with this kind of drivel.

After talking to some other girls who meet men online and use IM to communicate, I discovered that Bartender Ted is the lounge lizard of the Internet. He waits online and then pounces on whoever is new to the scene, uses them to his best advantage and then never really moves on. It amazes me that friends as far away as Cleveland have even been subjected to Bartender Ted. Nice.

Bartender Ted is now blocked from my IM list.

Tune in next time to hear about Frog #4 aka The Polyester Chief.

Me and my frogs

So, if you don't know, I've been very, very frustrated with the whole dating world. The old fix-up seems to be a thing of the past, or at least no one is fixing me up. I have asked so many people for their advice, and all I get is blank stares and shrugs, and alot of "gee, wow, that's rough." In fact, when discussing the situation with a staff member at church, I was advised to either try e-harmony (which I have deduced is a joke) or maybe MOVE TO A DIFFERENT CHURCH! (The ridiculousness of this statement astounds me as our church is trying to grow. Obviously, we wouldn't want to cultivate a thriving men's ministry that would attract single men of God. Noooooooo, it is far better to just tell the single women to go elsewhere. I guess we are just supposed to come back when we are married with a family?) ACK! I'm getting off topic.

I decided that in order to date a prince, I was going to have to suck it up and kiss a few frogs. I thought you all might enjoy a good laugh about how horrible the dating world is.

Enter frog #2 aka Semi-Steve. (Frog #1 aka The Cable Guy will need an entry of his own at a future date).

Semi-Steve and I met online (this seems to be the easiest way to meet men these days). We exchanged pictures and IM'ed each other for a bit. He was very charming...asked about me, interested in my background -- wanted to know about what my masters was in. He suggested we meet for a drink on Saturday night. Fine. We agreed on a place/time etc. He said he would meet me outside. And I naively thought that he would be a gentleman. HA!

I pull up to see a guy with dripping wet hair and the arms ripped off of his t-shirt. Apparently Semi-Steve was a bouncer in a former life, and now was a truck-driver. It took from the time we met in the parking lot until the time we sat down to realize that Semi-Steve couldn't put a sentence together without swearing. Semi-Steve insisted we sit outside on the patio, as he did not want to hear anything about the Buckeyes. In fact, he hated the Buckeyes. He hated that they were winning. He hated that people in Columbus were crazy about them. He hated how people acted the next day (apparently Buckeye Victory Gloating made Semi-Steve feel bad **sniff sniff**)

As it turns out, Semi-Steve hated just about everything. Here is a short list:

1) The Buckeyes
2) Being hot (physically)
3) Patio's without hot tubs
4) Kids
5) Mustangs (the car)
6) Columbus in General
7) Black Ice
8) Columbus Drivers
9) Columbus Drivers + Black Ice
10) Not having a house
11) His job
12) His boss
13) The headlights of his Camero (apparently one wasn't working properly)
14) Janitorial supply companies
15) My ringtone
16) The newly re-routed Powell Road

I could go on, but why? The date ended when he told me that I would need to shut my phone off when we went back to his place because he couldn't "concentrate" with that ringtone going off. HA! Like there was any chance I would go anywhere with him. He didn't even get a handshake. I thanked him for my drinks, explained two was my limit and I was going home. Buh-Bye!

Tune in next time for the exciting tale of Frog #3 aka Bartender Ted.